Well, this is back to school week. If you’re a kid going back to school, this word comes to mind: FU^*#@K! But if you’re a parent, who have been wondering all damn summer: where the kids are? How late they’ve been out? Who they are with? Where the hell am I going to take them this summer? Etc… Then it’s time to drink and celebrate.
I ran into a Mom on Sunday, who was high fiving one of her friends and doing a shot of tequila. I said, “What happened? Are you celebrating the Dolphins receiver, Mike Wallace scoring his first TD?” “No”, she replied, “the kids go back to school tomorrow, we get our lives back”. (ah, Pilates, Jazzercise, lunch with the gals, the hair salon, shopping)
So, if you are going back to school, who are you? Are you the teachers pet? Is that bad? Hey, sucking up isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sure, Brown nosing is bad, “you sure look nice today, Mr. Vaginetti”. But being the kid who answers the questions, sits in the front row and gets good grades? What’s wrong with that? Hell, if they like you, trust me… when you do screw up, and you will… they’ll remember what a suck up you are and go, “aww, he’s a good kid” and let you slide! (that was me!)
My partner Ron offers these handy back to school memories:
One time he made out with a girl under the bleachers, turns out, that when he reached down below her belt, he got a handful of junk. Surprise!
At his high school, he was voted “most likely not to”.
Ron was once touched inappropriately by the gym teacher, and bragged about it.
His favorite school memory was from his time on the JV wrestling squad when his face got stuck in his opponents under shorts.
Also, remember these words somebody very smart once told me: School is over rated and not for everybody. Remember, the world needs dishwashers and ditch diggers too!
Funny thing is, you may hate school right now, but trust me… it’s a lot better than having to work everyday!
Paul Castronovo; follow me on twitter @paulcastronovo