A little insider’s secret: Did you know that the NFL has a copyright on the two-word football game that rhymes with Muper Mowl? In the next few days, you’ll hear commercials and see ads that refer to the Muper Mowl as “The Big Game”. That’s because unless one pays the NFL “mig mucks”, you can’t write it or say it in any commercially sponsored fashion. I like” Muper Mowl” a lot better than “The Big Game”, so henceforth that will be MY term for it. Maybe I ought to copyright that. Eh, on second thought; muck it.
If you’re hosting a “Muper Mowl” party, don’t over think the food. Provide beer, wine, sodas and a good crock of chili. Tell everyone else to bring whatever they think will go with said chili (i.e. Fritos, cheddar cheese, Mylanta.) If you’re an attendee, don’t show up empty-handed. I’ve been known to turn people away for that maneuver (hey, there’s only so much room on the couch. This is a good way to cull the herd.)
A few more practical tips I’ve learned from experience:
Don’t go crazy with decorations; men won’t appreciate them and your gal-pals may be too blotto by the start of the 2nd quarter to even notice. If you ignore this tip, inevitably, some joker will stuff a pom-pom in their bikini area for laughs and you’ll have to throw it out anyway.
Restraint: If you happen to wander into the room where the men are gathered around the 150-inch flat screen, be sure to check yourself: For some reason, husbands tend to react badly when the first thing we gals comment on is the proportional perfection of the quarterback’s buns, or the chiseled v-shape upper-body of any given linebacker (I’m looking at you, Paul Kruger. Call me.) They tend to seek retribution when the camera inevitably find’s it’s way to the cheerleaders. (Props to them by the way. I could never get that close a shave without bumps.)
We know you get excited when your team scores or the other team fumbles, but please: Loud, sudden outbursts can lead to unintended consequences, and not just the leaky bladder kind. On one occasion, a man screamed so loudly (and suddenly) at one of our “Muper Mowl” parties, an entire bowl of Tostitos went airborne. It was a good six months before my sofa stopped crunching every time someone sat down ( I thought at first I was developing brittle bones.) It was during that period I wished we had a dog… or a Dust Buster with a decent motor.
Congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens. Win or lose, it’s been a helluva season. I’ve never seen a team with more heart, more spirit and more determination. You might not get this if you’re not from Charm City, but I can’t say it enough: “Go hons, go!” If you are from Baltimore, can you “bleeve” this whole thing, hons?! Hmm… best keep the Tostitos away from me on Sunday.